Advice on True Love: The Marriage Between Letting Go and Holding On.
Dear Andrew,
Do you believe that true love fights for what it has? Or do you believe that sometimes true love lets go?
- Daniela
Dear Daniela,
Defining true love is hard. What is worthy of being called true love does not want to be defined by a single thing. In a way, love is both everything and nothing.
Love is like a marriage between two seemingly opposite acts: letting go and holding on. When we are truly in love, we want to hold on with everything we have. We want to put our arms around our love and never let go.
Great pain and heartache occurs when we have to let go. At first, a person in love may not even believe that letting go is possible for them. They may have constructed an elaborate life in their head and it may feel like that life is coming tumbling down. Knowing you might be writing the last chapter of a particular story can seem earth-shattering and a person may try everything they can to avoid this reality.
However, to truly love someone or something, we must let go of any preconceived notions we have for them. We must give them the space to live and grow. Deep down, we want this; we want our love to turn into the beautiful flower we know it is meant to blossom into. Sometimes this means we need to nurture and care for this budding flower more or fight for it when it is in danger. Other times this means we need to let someone else take the lead and care for it. To love is to accept either scenario and to let go of the belief that things have to be a certain way.
Just like us, love is constantly changing. Whether it is a person or a career, we cannot force who or what we love into the image we think they are or what we want them to be. Love does not fit within a predetermined plan, no matter how beautiful and wonderful that plan is. Love has a life of its own and it is going to evolve whether we want it to or not.
The best kind of love will lead us to places we never knew we wanted to go. To a horizon we never knew was there. Sometimes the person or thing that originally pointed us in that direction will leave our side. Maybe they are destined for a different yet equally beautiful place. This does not mean that our love with them is not real.
Things do not need to last forever to be real. You and I are real. We exist but we are not going to exist forever. Our story will end one day and someone else’s story will begin. Nonetheless, this does not mean we are not real. If anything, this means we are more real. It means that, despite it all, we have decided to live and love because we know we have no ‘real’ other choice.
So, does true love fight for what it has or is it willing to let go? There is no easy answer to this question. Like most things, the answer is not this or that; instead, it lies somewhere in the middle. Love wants the other person or thing to become everything they are meant to be. Sometimes this means we need to fight for what we have to protect it. Other times, this means we need to let go of the very person or thing we want to hold forever. In both situations, the love is true. Some might even say it is truer than true.
Questions for Andrew?
If you want to ask me something, feel free to respond to this email or any others from me, or you can also ask me via Instagram.
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