Advice on Friendship: Be the Person You Are Looking For.
Advice on Friendship: Be the Person You Are Looking For.
Dear Andrew,
What is the best way to find a real friend?
- Bob
Dear Bob,
Finding a real friend is rare and it often happens serendipitously. The best way to find a real friend is to learn what you are looking for first.
A real friend does not change you. They see you for everything you are and for everything you can be. They allow you to become more yourself by helping you explore areas that may have been dormant inside of you. Most especially, they see through your shortcomings and vulnerabilities and they embolden the best parts of you, even when you cannot see these parts yourself.
A real friend is able to bring out the best in you because they know you at a fundamental level. They know your triumphs as well as your failures. They know when you shine and they know when you darken. Instead of condemning your vices, they encourage the light that is already flickering within. They inspire this light to become more generous and brighter than it ever was before.
Another touchstone of friendship is that it will leave a beautiful and everlasting mark. A real friend will help you grow into someone you never would have been otherwise; someone who now thinks and acts differently. A part of your friend will become a part of you and you will do the same to them.
Just like any relationship, friendships will also be tested. Sometimes things will be said that will leave one friend feeling hurt. However, if the friendship is real, forgiveness will always be found. It is impossible to call someone a friend and not to have missteps with them along the way. When these missteps happen, you may not forgive each other at first, but eventually you will. Real friends understand one another and, in their hearts, they know that the other’s missteps do not define them.
So, how do you find a real friend? Finding a real friend is hard, it might even be just as hard as finding love. The first step is to know what a real friend is and then to be that person yourself. People who are similar to one another often attract each other. Therefore, go out into the world and see people for who they really are. Encourage their lights to shine brighter than ever before. Finally, more than anything, show people that a real friend is not defined by someone who makes them better necessarily; show them that a real friend is sometimes just someone who stands next to them and reminds them that they are not alone.
Questions for Andrew?
If you want to ask me something, feel free to respond to this email or any others from me, or you can also ask me via Instagram.
If your question is not selected or answered, please do not feel discouraged. This does not mean your question is not beautiful or worthy. I try to choose questions that I have personal experience in and that I feel I can honestly answer. Unfortunately, I do not have an answer to every question I receive. I am still learning and the answers I write are simply some of the most important lessons I have learned so far. Through this newsletter, my goal is to keep learning and to share with you what I find. I hope you come along with me on this journey because I ‘know’ it is going to be a good one.
Finally, remember sometimes there is no right answer. Sometimes the most important thing is simply being curious enough to ask the question.
Links
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For a copy of my poetry book, click here.
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